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A couple of years ago, my coworker asked me if I had something done to my eyes to get double eyelids. I was so shocked that she asked me that?!!! No one has ever asked me such a weird question about my looks before so I was caught by surprise, especially in a work setting. I was like "No, do people do that?"

She said "yea, a lot of Asians do it". I thought maybe she was being racist but the other times, she's really nice to me so I try to brush it off and can't blame her for being ignorant if she doesn't know much about the different Asian races. She's Mexican and was born in Mexico so I don't know how her outlooks are like from her upbringing.

It's weird how this is still bothering me that she asked me that and I feel like calling her right now, even a couple of years later to yell at her for her rude question and yell "No, I did not have surgery of any kind. I am of Vietnamese descent and was born with double eyelids!" I know I'm being a bit neurotic right now but I can't help it. So that is why I am venting in this blog instead.

I started researching on the double eye lid thing with Asians and there's been a lot of things on the news online about Chinese or Korean women getting a lot of plastic surgery in order to get married but later ended up having not so pretty kids because how they look now is all plastic.

Well, I'm Vietnamese so my coworker probably just lumped all Asians into one category with looks. From my research, most Southeast Asians like Vietnamese, Thai, Cambodians and Laos have double eyelids. There are always exceptions (as you can't expect everyone to look exactly alike) but it's safe to say that we're usually born with double eyelids. From my memory, I would say 90% of my Vietnamese relatives were born with double eyelids. I have a few cousins who are mixed with Chinese.

East Asians, however, are usually not born with double eyelids. Chinese and Koreans are under this category but there are exceptions to this too. It doesn't mean not all Chinese and Koreans were not born with double eyelids but it would be safe to say that most are not born with double eyelids. I guess there have been reports that many women with these descents do have some kind of surgery or something for this. I'm not sure what the procedure is called but maybe because of these articles online, people just assume all Asians do this. Man, this is a bit frustrating.

Can anyone else relate?

I am planning on going back to school to get an associate's degree and since I already have my bachelor's degree, I figured enrolling into a technical college and getting accepted into any associate's program of my choice would be piece of cake, considering a bachelor's degree is a higher degree than an associate's. You would think that right? I thought that. In actuality, I think I have more headaches enrolling into a technical college for an associate's degree than I did as a high school student applying for a bachelor's degree for a university. I was so not expecting this.

From classes having different symbols on my transcript that mean the same subjects that they offer, to new staff in admissions who are not used to seeing someone who already has a bachelor's degree apply to a school that specializes only in associate's programs and certificates, I had to make a lot of phone calls and visit many offices. I was expecting an easy pass since graduating from a higher degree should demonstrate my competency in all general education classes and beyond. I was wrong.

The first headache was that my previous university's symbol for what most would call "English" classes is not "ENG", it's "RWS" which stands for Rhetoric Writing from Sources but it is essentially an English class. Because of the technical college's confusion about this and the lady who reviewed my bachelor's degree transcript didn't see an "ENG" on my transcript, they sent me a letter to say I didn't fulfill the admission criteria. One call later, I got it straightened out and the lady on the phone spoke to her superior and he confirmed that RWS on my transcript is the same thing as "ENG" for them. Great, glad that got straightened out and now I am admitted.

Then, I went to enrollment day to get my classes selected with the help of the university as a first time student at their college. The lady who was helping me assigned me the wrong biology class. Since I already completed 2 biology classes and have a bachelor's degree, she was supposed to put me in a higher level biology class because I didn't have to take the lower ones as pre-req's. Anyway, I figured I'll get this squared away when I find out later if I got accepted into the program of my choice. You see, even though I got accepted into the school, it still doesn't mean that I got accepted into the program of my choice. They are entirely 2 separate application processes but without admission, I couldn't apply to the program. Confusing and a lot of work, I know. 

Anyway, time passes and I find out that I didn't get accepted into the program of my choice. Even though, they only select 20 students every year, I was super bummed out and thought it was a mistake! There is no way a high schooler gets higher on their list than a bachelor's degree holder. It really made me feel like a bachelor's degree snob. But gosh, does that make sense?  So after leaving 2 voice mails for the program advisor and not getting a call back, I decided to march into his office to get clarification. Before he even opens my records on the computer, he went straight to the defensive answer as "there were so many applicants this year so we had to base it on existing students with highest GPA's". In my head, I was thinking if they want to compare my high school transcript to another person's high school transcript, mine was 3.9 which is super high but because I didn't have to submit my high school transcript and only my university transcript because I was a college grad, that might have dinged me since my GPA at my university that I graduated from was not that high. Now, that sucks. I guess having a bachelor's degree screwed me on this one but that still doesn't make sense! 

Anyway, the advisor said to come back in July or August to make sure the program criteria doesn't change so I can ensure I get in next year when I reapply. Since they only admit 20 students every fall, I have to wait a whole year to reapply. He did correct my class schedule because he confirmed that I didn't have to take any lower biology classes and advised me to take 2 specific biology classes and reapply next year. He said I should be in the "right direction". I have a theory that he might be asking me to come back a month later because after he opened my records, he probably realized he made a mistake and maybe a student will drop out of the program and I can get into their spot. I'm praying that he's thinking that. I also wonder how many students come to his office and ask for clarification on not getting accepted into his program, probably not often. Don't be fooled by those bachelor's degree holders, they think they are entitled to be the best. :P

Well, I'll be marching into the advisors office in a couple of months. We'll see what happens. In the end, I really feel that things are going to be in my favor. If he doesn't change his mind in a couple of months, maybe by getting accepted a year later into the program than planned will help me find a better job when the economy is for the better. Let's hope the odds are in my favor.

Ever since we found out I was pregnant, my husband and I decided to not tell our parents until the first trimester is over. I've heard of so many stories where people had miscarriages and the biggest risk is during the first trimester. Since I've never been pregnant before, I don't know what to expect from my body and to save everyone future heartaches and ourselves some possible public pain, we decided to wait. I know my husband's mother have had 2 miscarriages but I'm not sure about my mom. 

It's hard to hide it when people ask "what's new" over the phone. Because we're not telling our parents, we're not telling our friends either to be fair. I'm 29 years old so I'm not at the at-risk age yet but since I've heard of so many stories, I just feel that it's better to be careful. I've only told my best friend and that's it. I had to tell her because we were going on a vacation together and she was expecting me to drink some alcohol to celebrate. She was going to figure it out so I had to tell her I'm not drinking anyway. I literally found out I was pregnant the day we were traveling.

I'm about 6 weeks along so it'll be another 6 weeks until my 3 month mark, so it's not that faraway from now.

I'm also a bridesmaid for 2 weddings in 4 months and have not told the brides yet. Fortunately, I have not bought the dresses yet because I will definitely be gaining a lot of pregnancy weight and showing by then. I haven't told the brides yet but I will tell them in 6 weeks when I hit my 3 month mark so they'll know I won't be able to party with them for their bachelorette party. Haha. The sacrifices of motherhood right? 

I'm ecstatic to be pregnant for the first time. I'm tired all the time though and since we recently moved to a different state, I've been unemployed and to tell you the truth, I don't know I would manage with a job while being this tired. I just feel like a 300 pound gorilla walking sluggishly around the house when I'm only 120 pounds right now. 

I don't have much of an appetite either and thankfully I don't have morning sickness, although my sense of smell is so sensitive. 

Did you guys suffer from morning sickness at 6 weeks?

I was watching a movie about freedom earlier tonight and it affected me in a way that brought some sad memories of when I was a child. 

I remember when I was about to turn 12, my parents started comparing me to my friends. No matter how well I did in school and how good of a kid I turned out to be, they were never proud of me and always had negative things to say. When I was in summer school before I went to middle school, I wanted to take a drama class since it was part of the summer school option. Every role that I was in, I picked. When my parents came to see my play, my dad was so disappointed in me because he said that I was in an argumentative role because my teacher probably saw that I was argumentative, which was so far from the truth. I was the shyest kid in class and intentionally picked smaller roles because I was not used to being the center of attention but wanted to try acting. I just wanted to act for fun. He yelled at me when I got home and I was so upset, I cried for hours. He was not proud of me and I wish I had not invited them to see my play. He made me not want to be in a play again. 

Then in 7th grade at the end of the year, I won an award for one of my subjects for earning A's. I was a straight A student throughout all of middle school. After I won my award, my dad said to me that he's ashamed of me and yelled at me under his Vietnamese tongue. We're in America so parents around us couldn't understand. I couldn't believe it! I won an academic award and he was not only not proud of me but was the complete opposite. He said he didn't like what I was wearing and how my hair was in my face. I could not understand. I am surprised I didn't rebel just then and become a bad student. 

My parents never really parented me. I always feel like my ideas have always been my own. They never taught me how to dress myself or why it's so important to match my clothes. They never cared about what I really want to do with my life. One day before middle school, my mom criticized me for not having matching clothes and that one of my best friends always had her clothes matching. First of all, my mom never talked to me about matching nor nicely showed me how positive matching could be. From far right field, she just criticized me. She made me feel so bad. I'm sure my friend's mother has always been endearing and done proper parenting. That is something my parents don't understand or do. They just like to yell at me and assume I just become what they want me to be without good parenting. 

In high school, it was my mom's turn to criticize me heavily while she is at work. She likes to keep me around her while she's working at the salon because she has a dependent personality. She's like a leech that sucks other people's blood out because of her insecurities and only expresses negativity. She doesn't care if I have homework to do. She expects me to be a straight A student while being at her shop right after school until closing time. Her expectations were not achievable. She would take her anger out on me. She's called me a whore, stupid and selfish even though I would be with her after school and not have a social life. I would stay up all night to complete my homework with barely enough sleep for the next day. I was also a virgin all throughout my teenage years and was always on the honor roll. I didn't get it. Everyone could see that I was a great kid except for my mom. Other normal parents would praise me and would be proud. Where was the justice?

It's hard to be perfect. When I was a junior in high school, I did rebel a bit because of the imprisonment I felt.  I had to sneak out of my house just to see my boyfriend. They didn't allow me to go out or date guys. We didn't do anything special. We just hold hands and walk around a park like two lost puppies. It was very innocent. I got caught by my brother though and he ratted on me to my parents. My dad didn't speak to me for awhile and my mom was shocked. I feel that if you don't give your kids a sense of freedom, they will do something rebellious. Thank God I didn't turn to drugs or drinking or stopped studying. I would just sneak out of the house at night and then come back hours later. 

When I turned 19 and was a sophomore in college, I told my mom I wanted to move out. During this time, my dad and brother weren't home and she chased after me with a knife from the kitchen to my bedroom, threatening to kill me if I moved out. We never got along and I'm not sure why she wants me around. She just wants to control me and lash out on me. I couldn't move out then; for fear of losing my life!

Then I turned 22 and graduated from the university with my bachelor's degree. It was a major accomplishment for me. I got a job offer to work in a different state and wanted to go for it. My mom couldn't understand why I wanted to pursue a career in a different state. With careful convincing and lying that I would call every week, I found my first flight of freedom. I was glad she didn't chase me with a knife again. I moved to Dallas, Texas. She didn't understand why I wouldn't call? Why would I? Other kids called their mom because their moms were nurturing, caring and endearing throughout their childhood. My mom was a monster to me and I couldn't wait to get away. 

When I was 23, I returned and they started treating me better. Maybe when I was gone, they realized that they scared me away. I was in San Diego for another 6 years and would see them every weekend because that was my mom's mandate. I refused to live with them again. But if a couple of hours a week will get them off my back, I'll do it. I don't tell my parents much. Even though I would see them over lunch or dinner, I don't really start a conversation about anything. It's mainly my mom talking and complaining about my aunt, her work or some other random person. I rarely talk to my parents on the phone and only communicate with them on a meeting time for the weekend get together. I never had a close relationship with them as a kid so it's not something I can have as an adult. One thing they always complained about is that they always felt I could have a better paying job. They nagged me a lot about finding a better job. We're in a recession so it's not something I can drop. It's obvious to me that they have bad parenting skills and give terrible advice.  When I quit my job of 6 years due to moving after I got married, I was making $58,000 a year which I was content with. Hard work pays and I believe that if things came to me easily, I wouldn't be as humble or appreciative. 

I got married in Nov 2012 and the wedding was beautiful. For the first time, I felt like my parents were proud of my planning and how the day turned out. They didn't say it but they had more positive things to say and only a couple of negatives. Words like "proud" or "congratulations" were not something they say to me. 

I'm 29 now and happily married. I live in a different state and don't like calling my mom but she expects it and it's as though she has amnesia. Does she not realize the pain she's caused me when I was a child? I think all they think about was my wedding day and how perfect it seems. They forgot all the sad memories that happened for the first 22 years of my life. My childhood is gone now but I can't forget. I cried so many tears and had so much hurt. Overall, I didn't have a happy childhood. It was full of responsibilities, expectations and negativity. 

Somehow and probably thankfully due to my personality, I still turned out to be a good kid and got married to a smart and handsome man. I have a husband that many ladies would want to have. People always tell me I'll change the way I think about my parents when I have my own kids but I don't think so. Many other parents are nurturing, proud and positive to their kids. Mine weren't. My aunts and uncles were good parents but mine were not so much, so I don't think it's a cultural thing. I can never forget the pain I felt during my childhood and now that I have this freedom as an adult with positive thoughts, I'm trying to protect this by staying away from my parents. I don't like to hear my mom's negative complaints and have her negative energy. For a long time, I felt trapped like I was in a prison. I did chores, worked for my mom, got good grades, got awards,never went out and never got praises. 

Can you blame me for resenting them for the sadness they caused for many years of my life? 

The first time I realized that maybe I was pregnant was when I was getting continuous vaginal cramping but without having a period. I've noticed I'm more fatigued and my 2 mile jog is not as easy as before.

After taking 3 pregnancy tests with positives results, I'm not going to be skeptical anymore. Gosh, this reminds me of the movie "Knocked Up" except I'm married to a loving husband already. My doctor ordered an ultrasound for me, which I think is too early. I went to get my ultrasound appointment today and you can't see the baby yet, just the egg sac. I think my doctor is new at this pregnancy stuff because the ultrasound specialist was wondering why I got a picture taken so early. It's hard to tell if the baby is healthy or not at this point. I sure hope he is healthy. I've made up my mind that the baby is going to be a boy so it's easier for me to call the baby a "he" instead of "it".

I'm praying for a healthy pregnancy and for everyone as well, if you're pregnant too!